I feel like a caveat or three might be necessary for this post.  The wound hasn’t fully healed so the sarcasm might be more biting and the bitterness more evident.  Sometimes a rebound can hurt as much as the real thing.

I met Casper last year when I was on my Starve, Cry, Wallow journey. Not to be confused with the Eat, Pray, Love one Elizabeth Gilbert took through Bali, India and Italy. Mine was to St. Louis, Colorado Springs and Albuquerque. I was recovering from an atrocious break-up, had lost 30 pounds, looked anemic and was reading self-help books with a passion. Truly a joy to behold. One of my friends threw around the term “sad sack” and I can’t disagree. I don’t think I was giving off any flirtatious or “Yes, I am part of the living,” vibes which should have been the biggest red flag of them all.

During this period of time I didn’t go far from my house, unless I was on a plane.  I frequented the restaurants down the road mostly and during the summer one of them became my “local” because of the great happy hour and proximity to what we call a beach in Seattle. The first time I met Casper I asked if he was new since I had never noticed him before. Wrong thing to say to someone who has worked in a place for almost a year. (Note to my future husband, this proves that I don’t notice other men when I am in a relationship.) Back to Casper…  He is a good-looking guy – tall, dark, funny. The kicker for me was that he is smart. If you have read about DB in any of my other posts, you know that he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. I think the saying is, “Dumb as a rock.” Not that I was even looking for a replacement. However, my friends thought a fling would be good for me. Who better to flirt with than a bartender?

And here is why I shouldn’t have,

1) His name is Casper the Emotionally Crippled Ghost because when you are with him he is incredibly attentive and affectionate but then vanishes without a trace only to pop up two weeks later to do the same thing again. No, my nickname is not Doormat.

2) He asked a girl out after she overdid the bottomless mimosas and puked in the flowers outside the restaurant. I think he had to hold her hair back.

3) He doesn’t really have sex, something about regret and remorse. He is just a make-out whore (his own words).  Let’s be clear here, I am a decent looking woman and he is a straight male.  This shouldn’t even be an issue.

4) I made him cookies for a camping trip and he couldn’t drive 5 minutes out of his way to pick them up. Ok, maybe my nickname should be Doormat.

5) He will suggest motorcycle rides, double dates and other outings but when timing is being figured out he will either flake or ignore the entire conversation.

6) He wears overalls as a fashion statement.

7) YES, HE WEARS OVERALLS!

8) He told me that I “reignited something in him.”  I wonder how many women he has said that line to.  Yes, it is totally cringe-worthy and I wholeheartedly bought into it.

9) He has the attention span of a 5-year-old which is why he only dates women for a few weeks at a time – e.g. Vomit Girl.  He also thinks they are going to fix something in him that only he can fix himself.

10) He excels at the art of manipulation and I continue to fall for it.

I no longer go out of my way to see him or talk to him but he pops up at “my office” (aka Starbucks) all the time.  I am not good at avoiding him and lord knows why but I still get jealous when he makes comments about other women.  I am not sure if he does it to taunt me or is oblivious.  Given his manipulation and gas lighting skills, I am pretty sure it is the former, not the latter.  Let’s hope my next questionable love interest comes along soon because this distraction is like a really bad wedgie that you can’t get rid of no matter how much you try.