Hit me baby, one more time.


There are a few song lyrics that get into my head, unannounced. They decide when they will appear and when they will go away. Some are unprompted and others have a trigger. As shelter in place continues, more are added.

1. Britney Spears “Hit me Baby One More Time” – Every morning I wake up with “My loneliness is killing me” on repeat in my head.  I haven’t heard the actual song recently because I don’t go anywhere and I definitely don’t listen to her Best Of Hits.  I think my subconscious is trying to drive me insane.  At this point it doesn’t have far to go.  Not to mention it is a constant reminder that with every day, I am turning more and more into an old cat lady.  All I need to do is stop showering, not clean out the litter and start collecting newspapers.  That is really all it takes, right?

2. Phantom of the Opera “Masquerade” – It happens every time someone on the news says mask.  Just like Britney, it is only one line, “Masquerade, people dancing on parade…” I have stopped listening to the news because with the number of times they say the word “mask” I will be like a science experiment where you get a shock for doing the wrong thing. I have a feeling that with a few more weeks of self-isolation I might find myself in a corner rocking in time to just that line. There is a good chance that at that point I will be singing it out loud. Fortunately I live alone and I am almost positive that the cats won’t care unless I stop feeding them.

3. Aretha Franklin “Rescue Me” – Unsurprisingly, the lyrics are, “Rescue me. I want your tender charm. ‘Cause I’m lonely.” Why isn’t my subconscious this good at remembering other things? Like where in the hell are the things in the basement that I have been looking for since we started this shit show? I have reorganized it twice and I still can’t find them. I don’t remember donating them. I don’t remember throwing them away. I am pretty sure they did once exist in this house…

4. Elton John “I’m Still Standing” – Should we be concerned about this one or should I be proud? Yes, I have survived this long with just myself but is it a slippery slope? If I don’t keep repeating the lyrics to myself will I no longer be standing? Granted Sir Elton had a hellacious drug and alcohol problem so it isn’t quite fair to compare my situation with his but I do see my tea consumption increasing every day. I have bought more tea bags in the last two months than in the last year. However, I have spent less on them since I no longer go to Starbucks almost every day. It is the small wins, right?

I know there are more but since I have been out of bed for a bit I now have other things taking up space in my brain. The ones on perpetual repeat are:

  1. I need to go for a walk. Is the weather good enough? I don’t really want to go. I should go because if I don’t I will feel I am going even more crazy. When was the last time I talked to my mother? Can I call her on this walk or have I already spoken to her today? If I can’t call her, who else can I call to distract me while I walk?
  2. Is it time for another cup of tea? Of course it is. How many cups have I had already? Can you have too many cups of tea?
  3. What was I doing before I started this thing? Why did I start this thing? Why didn’t I finish whatever it was I was doing before I started this thing? What the hell is this thing?
  4. When did I last eat? Is it time for a snack? It must be. I will eat something with a cup of tea.
  5. It is very quiet in the other room. What are the kittens getting into? I don’t feel like getting up. I will give it another minute and then check. Maybe I will get up and make a cup of tea…
  6. What am I going to eat for (insert meal)? Do I have any food in the house? Am I almost out of tea bags again? Do I have to go to the grocery store?
  7. I don’t want to go to the grocery store. The last time I went to the grocery store it was a nightmare. I don’t want to do that again. I am sure my blood pressure goes through the roof. Maybe this time I should take a Xanax before I go.
  8. I should write a blog post. I haven’t done one in a while. Maybe if I go for a walk I will think of something to write about. I am sure that if I go to the grocery store I will find something to fire me up. The last time I was there I saw so many great examples of how not to wear a mask. “Masquerade, people dancing on parade…”
  9. What is that kitten eating? That doesn’t look like a toy. Is that my credit card bill?
  10. Is it time for another cup of tea?

And so continues the cycle of what my day looks like almost every day. I am sure that new lyrics will find their way into my very confused brain as time goes on. For the moment I seem to have hit saturation.

If you will excuse me, I need to turn on the kettle and see what mess the kittens have created. You are welcome for the lyrics you now have stuck in your head.

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