The other night I observed the most awkward marriage proposal. I never realized that being party to something like that could feel so uncomfortable. First of all it was at a very busy restaurant at a high top table with 8 other people. Secondly, in case you missed the importance of my last sentence, IT WAS AT A TABLE WITH 8 OTHER PEOPLE. Who does that? How is that in the least bit romantic? He stood up, turned to her and awkwardly asked her to marry him. I can’t remember if he kneeled down because I was so shocked by what I was witnessing, I think my brain short circuited. He hadn’t even gotten the ring sized. Isn’t that an important detail in How To Propose for Dummies or on Dr. Google? Not to mention the 8 other people who immediately had their phones out to document the entire train wreck. She looked like she wanted to say no but wasn’t sure what to do. She started to cry and I am not sure they were happy tears.

The day after, I looked up various hashtags to see if I could find documentation of the event. Nothing doing. You would think with that many people someone would have tagged the restaurant. Was it staged as a birthday party or a “We only have to worry about the Delta variant now” get-together? Granted, I have seen people converge on a newly engaged couple but said people are usually in hiding until the deed is done. They also have the awareness that it is an in the moment event meant to be shared by the two people who will eventually be tied together for life. Am I wrong with this line of thinking? I have never been proposed to so I can’t say that I am an expert on this but I definitely know what I wouldn’t want. I can guarantee that my friends would never let something like that happen to me. And it truly did “happen to her.” The “oh shit” look on her face and the bright red flush were not what you would want to see from a supposed to be ecstatic fiancée. Part of me wishes she had said no. She did give him this weird flailing soft hit which I was not sure how to interpret. Was it meant to signal “you asshole” or more of an “oh you silly man…” type of thing? This all took place after the least passionate kiss I have ever seen. It was so cringeworthy.

The questions that it brought up were overwhelming. Why did he choose that restaurant? Why do it on a Tuesday? How long have they been together? Was it a greencard wedding? Why else would you need so many people involved unless it was to provide a timeline of proof? Was he gay and that was why it seemed so forced? Was it an Instagram stunt? Who were the 8 spectators? Were they his friends? Hers? I noticed them when they started trickling in because they arrived after we did. It didn’t seem like a cohesive group and I don’t think they all knew each other. Wouldn’t that be a red flag too? If your core group of friends doesn’t know each other? I wish I had been more observant or had the presence of mind to walk over and congratulate them so I could get additional details. What are they doing now? Are they still together? Is he going to try again with a more romantic effort? Did she flee the country in shame? Can he now inherit the family business? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

The saddest part for nosy me is that I will never find out any of the answers to my multitude of questions. I will have to live my life never knowing whether they did or did not get married. I will never know if he in fact did get the ring sized. And, if I ever see them on the street, I won’t recognize them because I wasn’t paying close enough attention to what they actually looked like. I was too caught up in the drama of the event. Good thing I don’t have a job where remembering random people is important. I can’t even recognize a celebrity in public so there is no way I will ever recognize that ill-fated couple. Overall though, I wish them the best and I hope that I am never at the receiving end of something like that.