It's Monday. Again. And it feels like a Monday. But every day feels like a Monday at the moment. It isn't like my life varies dramatically from day to day. I spend a lot of time on Instagram, I walk back and forth to my kitchen and I binge on the news way more than … Continue reading Groundhog Day.
Last night I flew home from Boston and I am still in shock that a person in my immediate area was able to fart the entire flight. How is that humanly possible? Yes, the intestine is incredibly long but even still, how is there that much gas? It was a 6 hour flight! Thank goodness … Continue reading Don’t eat before you fly, please.
It is a new year so I have to reassess my life. My biggest question at the moment is, at what point do I have to stop saying that I am going to marry rich? Eventually you age out, right? The older I get, the younger the trophy wives are. I am not saying I … Continue reading Too old to marry rich?
A few months ago, someone asked me what I would tell my 15-year-old self about having a "broken picker." I thought it was a really good question and applies to so much more than just my bad taste in men - although that is definitely a good place to start. These days my advice for … Continue reading If I had known then what I know now…
It is rare that I ever get truly angry. I might get annoyed, peeved or mildly incensed but I don't usually throw tantrums or plan out complicated vendettas in my free time. I got that out of my system when I was a kid. I was more of a whiner. My Dad had a "No … Continue reading Seeing Red.
I have come to the realization that I am too set in my ways to live with another person again. The words that come to mind are OCD, curmudgeon and not bloody likely. This isn't to say that I will never date again although, see title of blog, that is an entirely different issue. Basically, … Continue reading Cohabitation just isn’t my bag.
For the last week, I have been staying with my mom, to help her clean out the closets. The timing is perfect since my Dad is out of town and we can make piles all over the house without someone asking, "What are you doing? What is this? Why is it here? What is all … Continue reading I am definitely not a minimalist.
The last time I was in Saigon, I was 19 and one of the only things I remember is my aunt’s friend Maurizio (an Italian veterinarian who specializes in camels or more specifically, the fleas found on camels….), smuggling rare turtles back to Cambodia in his underpants. We bought them at the pet market and … Continue reading Saigon, how you have changed.
I have written about the Starbucks' bathroom before but I feel like what I saw today deserves a mention. The Starbucks I frequent is in the middle of an affluent neighborhood in Seattle. There are very few homeless people, not a lot of bars and it is a pretty low-key place. This is the Starbucks … Continue reading Sex, drugs and rock & roll in the Starbucks bathroom…
Well, I just wrote an email to a complete stranger on the internet asking for advice. That is totally normal, right? Instagram influencers definitely have a handle on what an unemployed marketing director should be doing with her life. Why would I go to a career coach? See this pot of spaghetti? I am throwing … Continue reading How’s the job search going?
*Written under the influence of cold meds. Can we please draw the line when it comes to talking on cell phones in public restrooms? Why do people feel the need to have conversations in there? If the call is so important, shouldn't your focus be on that rather than your bladder? Or if you have … Continue reading Do you really need that in here?*
Breaking News - I went to a bar on New Year's Eve! I rang in the New Year at the Snorting Elk at Crystal Mountain, a ski resort just outside Seattle. I can't remember the last time I went to a bar, let alone a bar where people are actively looking for a hook-up. Spoiler … Continue reading The Bar Scene.
My mom and I have been telling Dad for ages that he needs to get his ears checked. Of course being a stubborn man of a certain age he says that his hearing is fine and that we don't speak clearly or aren't speaking directly to him. Apparently speaking a little bit louder, looking at … Continue reading I AM NOT DEAF!
I have my first troll! Does this mean that I am on my way to making it? How many trolls do you need to be considered successful? Is there an equation that for every troll there are 10 people who like what you have to say? In that case, bring on the haters! Supposedly feedback … Continue reading thank u, next
I did something super impulsive while I was on vacation a few months ago... I actually gave in to the moment and hooked up with someone. Most of my friends would commend me for letting loose and say it was about time. However, I am completely neurotic and not very good at chalking it up … Continue reading Asking for a friend…
I complain about being single and I never do anything to change it so last night I opened the dating apps again. I thought that maybe this time I would be able to commit and actually message someone, chat a little bit and then go out for coffee. All I could think as I swiped … Continue reading I tried again…sort’ve.
The other day, my mom asked me if I worry about people reading about themselves in my blog. Obviously I don't because if I did, I wouldn't have created a website and it wouldn't be all over my Facebook page. Next thing you know it will have an Instagram account, a Twitter handle and a … Continue reading What if they read about themselves?!?
"You will meet someone when you least expect it." Least expect what? I have never understood that saying. And why doesn't it pertain to anything else in life? You will get straight As when you least expect it. You will get a great job when you least expect it. That six-pack you want...when you least … Continue reading Broken sticker, not picker.
Did you know that you can tell who the Seattle Seahawks are playing by who comes up on Bumble or Tinder? I discovered this yesterday when I swiped past a bunch of dudes who work for the Cowboys or were in town from Texas. My friend suggested that I use these guys to work on … Continue reading Friends with Benefits.
I can just meet men in line for coffee. Starbucks for the win! They may not be the right ones but either way, I am meeting them... Today it was an older gentleman, probably in his 50s. He was very friendly but didn't seem to respond to non-verbal cues. When someone moves away from you, … Continue reading Who needs bars?
I have never been good at telling age. I can tell if someone is under 20 or over 50 but in between those decades I can't tell specifics. Don't get me wrong, I can tell ranges... Of course I can tell the difference between a 25 year old and a 49 year old but between … Continue reading Good genes or just denial?
I have a staring problem. I don't always realize I am staring which makes it worse. I once had a woman want to fight me because she thought I was looking at her when I didn't even realize I was. She may have been on something and been slightly paranoid but it didn't help to … Continue reading Thank goodness for sunglasses.
Did the universe not get the memo? Was Mercury in Retrograde? Is there more airy-fairy, woo-woo shit I can blame it on? So far this year my cat "went to college", my dad started radiation for prostate cancer, my car was broken into and my entire wallet was stolen and I can't escape seeing the … Continue reading 2018 is supposed to be my year…
I am not sure that my picker actually broke. I think it just never formed properly. Maybe it started with Brett Chuckovich (I had to use his last name because it is so great) in kindergarten when we played kissing boys and kissing girls or maybe it was JJ in 3rd grade... Probably not though. … Continue reading How did my picker break?
I have been single and unemployed for almost the same amount of time. I don't count my 8 month rebound as a change to my single status. We will sweep him under the rug along with my lapse in judgment. Yes, I know that rebounds aren't supposed to last that long but I was traveling … Continue reading Dating & looking for a job – why they are similar and why I hate them
Have you ever had someone ask you out on a date and then completely forget about it? Within a week of the ask? No, me neither. Oh wait, it just happened. It is an experience not to be forgotten or replicated, especially when you see the brain fart happen right in front of you. It … Continue reading Realizing your Picker is still broken.
There’s a game I subconsciously play in my head. It sounds a lot like “Marco! Polo!” but instead it is a guy yelling, “Broken!” and me yelling, “Pick me!” It isn’t quite as much fun since there is no swimming pool and there are usually tears at the end. Mine or his depending on the … Continue reading Marco! Polo!
I think that saying he had the depth of a puddle is generous. Douchebag, Dennis Bag (for the kids so I don't have to explain what a douchebag actually is) or DB (for short). We all make mistakes but this one was a big one. They say that love is blind but in my case … Continue reading Depth of a Puddle
One of my friends says that for the last 10 months I have been on an Eat, Pray, Love journey. So far it has just been eat because I don’t pray and I certainly haven’t found any love, at least not the kind of love that a single woman with two cats hopes to find. … Continue reading Eat, Pray, Love
You know you spend too much time at the coffee shop near your house when, 1) Your father calls it your “office” and asks if you are there every time he calls. 2) You are contemplating getting a job as a barista because you might just as well get paid for being there. 3) You … Continue reading Seriously, what am I doing with my life?