I have never been good at telling age. I can tell if someone is under 20 or over 50 but in between those decades I can’t tell specifics. Don’t get me wrong, I can tell ranges… Of course I can tell the difference between a 25 year old and a 49 year old but between 27 and 36 it is much harder. Considering that I feel like I am 28 and can’t tell how old I look, it is not surprising that I am lacking in the age diagnosis department. I *think* I have good genes and don’t look as old as I am but sometimes I wonder if people are blowing smoke up my ass. Do I look middle aged and people aren’t being honest when they respond with surprise to my age? Or are they as bad at telling age as I am? What does 42 really look like? Do I look good for my age because no one knows what someone my age should look like? At what point does someone start looking their age? Are there people out there who do look as old as they are? Or are there people out there who are especially good at telling age? Does there come a point where you just look old and no one cares anymore? You are lumped into the “over the hill” category? I feel like it is just a slow slide into oblivion… You stop getting noticed, start getting called “Ma’am” and are subjugated to another level of person. The compliments stop coming and then you know you have reached the horrible AGE WHERE YOU LOOK YOUR AGE. Is that the point when women should give up completely or go all in with cosmetic surgery? Let your whiskers grow ladies! Stop shaving because no one looks! Gray hair, don’t care! Or you can go the other way… Sign up for the Botox package! Buy a facelift, get one free! Fillers for everyone! Spend your 401K on pickling yourself so you don’t look a day over the age you don’t want to be.
Needless to say, I think I am getting close to “THE AGE.” I am starting the slide into invisibility and it scares me. I am not ready to be middle-aged. First of all, I don’t know how to act like an adult. I never have. Yes, I can pay my bills and stay out of debt like adults are supposed to but that is about it. I still laugh at poop jokes and have the maturity of a 12 year old boy (pre-puberty). Most of all though, I don’t know how to relate to other adults, the serious ones. Were they born that way? Were they given a handbook that I missed out on? At what age did maturity start to happen? Will I wake up one day and get the memo?
I look at my friends and they just seem so much more put together than I am. They have direction and focus and a purpose. As I get older I feel like I am losing mine. I hope that maturity memo arrives soon because my poop jokes are getting stale and I probably shouldn’t look for new material.