I've done it, I've swiped to the end of Bumble again. And Hinge. I haven't downloaded Tinder this time around because I don't think I have the fortitude for it. And let's not even talk about The League. I still haven't figured out why I am seeing guys in Vancouver, BC and Portland, Oregon when … Continue reading Online Dating Try #503
Tag: humor
I am not a romantic but…
The other night I observed the most awkward marriage proposal. I never realized that being party to something like that could feel so uncomfortable. First of all it was at a very busy restaurant at a high top table with 8 other people. Secondly, in case you missed the importance of my last sentence, IT … Continue reading I am not a romantic but…
Bringing Sexy Back – Sleep Apnea Edition
I have decided I am never going to date again. Not because quarantine has made me into even more of a misanthrope than I already was or because people are gross and don't wash their hands at the best of times or even because it has turned every ounce of muscle into fat. I say … Continue reading Bringing Sexy Back – Sleep Apnea Edition
Words are hard.
Last night when I was willing myself to go to sleep, I started thinking about words. Or more precisely words I can never remember. And yes, this is a common occurrence and it is always the same words. God forbid my brain mixes it up a little. Do other people obsess about words like this? … Continue reading Words are hard.
Hit me baby, one more time.
There are a few song lyrics that get into my head, unannounced. They decide when they will appear and when they will go away. Some are unprompted and others have a trigger. As shelter in place continues, more are added. 1. Britney Spears "Hit me Baby One More Time" - Every morning I wake up … Continue reading Hit me baby, one more time.
Groundhog Day.
It's Monday. Again. And it feels like a Monday. But every day feels like a Monday at the moment. It isn't like my life varies dramatically from day to day. I spend a lot of time on Instagram, I walk back and forth to my kitchen and I binge on the news way more than … Continue reading Groundhog Day.
Full of the milk of human kindness.
Now that I have all this time on my hands, you would think I would be a prolific writer. Every day would be full of pithy insights, fantastic social commentary and definitely some hilarious observations. Nope, not at all. Somehow my brain has shut down with this forced time of reflection. Ugh, reflection. Who wants … Continue reading Full of the milk of human kindness.
Mondays, not for the faint of heart.
Written before Covid-19 changed Mondays as we once knew them... Why are Mondays so hard? They are like a new year, every week. The resolutions might be smaller but you still make them. Monday is the day you are going to start eating better, exercise more and definitely be more positive about...everything. You have a … Continue reading Mondays, not for the faint of heart.
Don’t eat before you fly, please.
Last night I flew home from Boston and I am still in shock that a person in my immediate area was able to fart the entire flight. How is that humanly possible? Yes, the intestine is incredibly long but even still, how is there that much gas? It was a 6 hour flight! Thank goodness … Continue reading Don’t eat before you fly, please.
Too old to marry rich?
It is a new year so I have to reassess my life. My biggest question at the moment is, at what point do I have to stop saying that I am going to marry rich? Eventually you age out, right? The older I get, the younger the trophy wives are. I am not saying I … Continue reading Too old to marry rich?
If I had known then what I know now…
A few months ago, someone asked me what I would tell my 15-year-old self about having a "broken picker." I thought it was a really good question and applies to so much more than just my bad taste in men - although that is definitely a good place to start. These days my advice for … Continue reading If I had known then what I know now…
A word of advice…
Last month I moved temporarily, to look for a job, and didn’t realize that there are things to consider besides a central location, frequency/infrequency of muggings and most importantly, nearby Chipotles. Here are a few key items that I unhappily learned: Think about proximity to a fire station. Not for safety purposes but for the … Continue reading A word of advice…
Only in LA
I went to yoga on Monday and my yoga instructor is an actor. Of course he is. Why would being a yoga instructor be his main job? I looked him up because of his last name - I thought he might be related to Pat Benatar. I’m still not sure if he is, because once … Continue reading Only in LA
Vegemite – not for everyone.
Like Vegemite, I am an acquired taste. It doesn’t matter how much butter you use either. True Vegemite afficionados know what that means. Vegemite looks like it would taste good if you are far enough away to only see the color. It looks like it might taste like dark chocolate or a sweet spread of … Continue reading Vegemite – not for everyone.
I am not meant to fly commercial.
I am on my flight to Kathmandu and the woman sitting next to me is meditating and chanting. It isn’t loud enough to be soothing but instead is like an annoying buzzing sound that you can’t figure out where it is coming from. She is doing hand movements as well while looking at her ipad … Continue reading I am not meant to fly commercial.
Turns out I’m not just lazy.
There is actually a reason that I am tired all the time. It isn't because I am part sloth or genetically pre-disposed to a sedentary lifestyle. I have an iron deficiency. My iron levels are less than half of what the low-end on a normal person should be. That explains the naps, the dizziness and … Continue reading Turns out I’m not just lazy.
Cohabitation just isn’t my bag.
I have come to the realization that I am too set in my ways to live with another person again. The words that come to mind are OCD, curmudgeon and not bloody likely. This isn't to say that I will never date again although, see title of blog, that is an entirely different issue. Basically, … Continue reading Cohabitation just isn’t my bag.
#adultingishard
I don't want to be an adult any more. I want to go back to being 5, when I thought I was Princess Leilani of Wailuku. I was convinced that I was stolen away from my real family by some Australian interlopers who forced me to live with them, away from the people who really … Continue reading #adultingishard
You don’t look your age.
If I don't look my age, whose age do I look? Can I choose? Do I go young and pick someone in their 20s or do I say older because they look amazing? Would Helen Mirren be acceptable? She is in her 70s and is killing it. Seeing that I just had my birthday I … Continue reading You don’t look your age.
I am definitely not a minimalist.
For the last week, I have been staying with my mom, to help her clean out the closets. The timing is perfect since my Dad is out of town and we can make piles all over the house without someone asking, "What are you doing? What is this? Why is it here? What is all … Continue reading I am definitely not a minimalist.
A place where I can think…
I know that yoga is supposed to be a place to clear your mind and be one with the floor or whatever your goals are. For me, it is a great place to work through those annoying thoughts that flood my mind when I am getting ready to fall asleep at night. As soon as … Continue reading A place where I can think…
Saigon, how you have changed.
The last time I was in Saigon, I was 19 and one of the only things I remember is my aunt’s friend Maurizio (an Italian veterinarian who specializes in camels or more specifically, the fleas found on camels….), smuggling rare turtles back to Cambodia in his underpants. We bought them at the pet market and … Continue reading Saigon, how you have changed.
Olympus Airways has seen better days…
Imagine our surprise when we got off the VietJet transfer bus and saw an Olympus Airways (https://www.olympusairways.gr/) plane on the tarmac in front of us. We were even more surprised when we got on the plane to Da Nang and there was an entirely European crew wearing one type of uniform plus two crew members … Continue reading Olympus Airways has seen better days…
Flirting or Business Development?*
When is it flirting and when is it being friendly? Are they working on business development or are they truly interested? You know that feeling when you aren't sure if the bartender is being nice or just trying to pad his tip? I feel like personal trainers, servers, real estate agents and hair stylists are … Continue reading Flirting or Business Development?*
Sex, drugs and rock & roll in the Starbucks bathroom…
I have written about the Starbucks bathroom before but I feel like what I saw today deserves a mention. The Starbucks I frequent is in the middle of an affluent neighborhood in Seattle. There are very few homeless people, not a lot of bars and it is a pretty low-key place. This is the Starbucks … Continue reading Sex, drugs and rock & roll in the Starbucks bathroom…
Not today, Apple!
I hate how reliant I am on my phone. If only I could go back to the days when my entire life wasn't connected to it. I still have my written to do list but that doesn't help with my list of appointments and reminders to get to them. Not to mention the frustration of … Continue reading Not today, Apple!
Aventuras en la Ciudad de México
How is it possible that a city of 22 million people and a metro area that extends farther than the eye can see, be so inviting and accessible? You would think the size would make it intimidating and the number of people would seem overwhelming but it is neither of those things. Of course you … Continue reading Aventuras en la Ciudad de México
How’s the job search going?
Well, I just wrote an email to a complete stranger on the internet asking for advice. That is totally normal, right? Instagram influencers definitely have a handle on what an unemployed marketing director should be doing with her life. Why would I go to a career coach? See this pot of spaghetti? I am throwing … Continue reading How’s the job search going?
Do you really need that in here?*
*Written under the influence of cold meds. Can we please draw the line when it comes to talking on cell phones in public restrooms? Why do people feel the need to have conversations in there? If the call is so important, shouldn't your focus be on that rather than your bladder? Or if you have … Continue reading Do you really need that in here?*
The Bar Scene.
Breaking News - I went to a bar on New Year's Eve! I rang in the New Year at the Snorting Elk at Crystal Mountain, a ski resort just outside Seattle. I can't remember the last time I went to a bar, let alone a bar where people are actively looking for a hook-up. Spoiler … Continue reading The Bar Scene.
My Broken Picker 