I am not meant to fly commercial.

Flying commercial

I am on my flight to Kathmandu and the woman sitting next to me is meditating and chanting.  It isn’t loud enough to be soothing but instead is like an annoying buzzing sound that you can’t figure out where it is coming from.  She is doing hand movements as well while looking at her ipad so maybe she is practicing for…?  There is also a child who hasn’t learned about his inside voice.  He is making shooting noises at things around him peppered with screaming and shouting.  Keep in mind that we haven’t taken off yet so who knows what else I have to look forward to.

I am also not sure the plane was cleaned before we got on.  There was a dental floss implement in one of the cubbies next to my seat.  I am glad the previous occupant was aware of the importance of dental hygiene but I prefer to keep mine to myself. Fortunately I disinfected my entire area with Clorox wipes including the windows (which looked like someone had rubbed their greasy face against both of them) so while I may catch something in the bathroom, I feel better in my seat.  My chanting seatmate now thinks I am a total nutball but I am fine with that.

Not one to be idle, within the first twenty minutes after boarding, I read the inflight magazine and perused the duty free options.  I found an ear piece that helps stop snoring. Once I have Wi-Fi again I will send it to my mom for my dad.  I also found a plethora of Asian beauty products that I NEED.  The things they do sound amazing and I am not getting any younger.  It is cheaper than a facelift.  I am actually saving money if you think about it.

Fortunately the crew is incredibly nice as well as attentive so that always makes for a better flight.  I can’t remember if I have flown Dragon Air before but I might not do it again.  I feel like I was buttered up by my experience in the lounge – a noodle bar, a Tea House, Aesop products in the bathroom – and now I am back to reality and the smothering effects of people. Although there was a gentleman across the lounge who was FaceTiming without headphones or ear buds so I wasn’t completely insulated from the human race.  The noodles and tea did make it less painful though.

But back to my current situation.  Taking off sounded and felt like a shopping cart with a wonky wheel. Remember when you were a kid and would lean on the handle of the cart and coast and sometimes you would go over a rough patch or maybe it was asphalt?  Yep, same thing.  As my grandfather used to say, “If your number’s up, your number’s up.”  Another reason why I am not afraid of flying.  I have also been on planes since I was 3 months old so there was never an option to have anxiety about it.  A child of Australian parents learns to “just suck it up.”

It seems that I can’t turn off my overhead light which will definitely but the kibosh on sleeping.  Having a spotlight on you is only good when you are onstage or doing your make-up.  Never when you look like your passport photo which I definitely resemble at the moment.  Oh good, the shooting of imaginary enemies has started again.  I can’t tell if it is connected to a computer game or something in his head.  I should count my blessings that I can’t hear the game.  Oh wait, I lied. At least it will be entertainment while I am in the spotlight.

My seat mate is asleep which bodes well for now.  My light is still on but I have alerted the crew so now I am “that person.”  The entertainment system doesn’t work either but I am okay with that because I have a good book.  Thank you Michelle Obama.

We just finished the meal service and my neighbor ordered two of everything.  She is my hero.  I want to be able to do that. I get nervous asking for another piece of bread.  I am sure that surprises a fair few of you but it is true.  And now she is chanting again.  It is louder and not soothing like I had hoped.  She has an interesting contraption on her finger. It is plastic or rubber and fits like a large ring. I wonder if it helps her keep time. She also asked for an additional four items in silver packaging but I am not sure what they were. Oh and now we have some snoring from the next row over. If only my headphones weren’t in the overhead compartment.

In the meantime I will stare out the window and pretend that the constant buzzing and snoring are just a dream and I will wake up on a private plane with no one from the general population around me and the only proof of dental hygiene will belong to me.


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