Put your money where your mouth is.


I have been talking about it for months, okay over a year, but now I am actually doing it.  I am moving.  I just signed a lease for a place in LA and my mid-career crisis is calling the shots.  I am starting with a month to month place so that I don’t commit to a neighborhood before I know where I will be working.  As an incredibly practical, well-organized and responsible person, I am slightly terrified yet mildly impressed.  It is like watching a movie and I can’t wait to see what happens.  Although, it would probably be better if there was no surprise involved and I knew what was planned for the second half.  I like suspense but not when it is my life.  But it will be fine, right?  There is no reason to be concerned except for:

  1. I know 5 people in LA, tops.  I am an extroverted introvert with a cat as a best friend moving to a place where I will know fewer people.  That sounds like the perfect way to get me out of the house.
  2. I have been networking for the last 6 months and am no closer to a job than I was 6 months ago.  I could practice tossing one of those big signs around.  At least I could listen to my podcasts as I do it and I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone.
  3. I haven’t been working out and have a month to get this sorry state of affairs together.  It is like getting a summer body without 9 months to prepare.  Shit, I need to break up with someone…NOW!
  4. I hate traffic.  Brilliant.  Choose the worst place in the US for commuting.
  5. I am not vegan and I don’t like kombucha.
  6. I don’t care about celebrities or where to see them.  The truth is, I wouldn’t recognize anyone anyway.
  7. I am not good at being fake.  I really believe that when people say they want to have lunch with me, they do in fact want to have lunch with me.
  8. I am not a beach person.  I don’t like sand.  At least in Seattle I can blame the weather as the reason to avoid it.  That and the beaches here don’t really have sand.  I should start saying I am allergic to volleyball or that I get anxiety from the sound of the ocean.
  9. I don’t wear shorts.  I just don’t.  End of story.
  10. If I don’t have to get in a car, I won’t.  I prefer to walk.  Apparently no one does that in LA.

Yep, I’m all set.  But at least it will be a change of scenery AND I will see the sun after the month of September.  I may not go out in it but I will definitely see it.  At this age it is better to hide from it.  I don’t want people to think I am older than I actually am.  The other day my mother said that people used to refer to “crow’s feet” as “laugh lines” like one is better than the other.  How is that a good thing?  I don’t want either.  Especially not for job interviews.  “Hi, yes, I am interviewing for a position that you would normally give to someone who could be my child.”  Nope, I’m not nervous about any of this at all.  My career was on a fine trajectory.  I didn’t love my job but who really loves their job?  Count on me to go and rethink things.  To decide that I didn’t want regrets later in life.  I can tell you now that if things don’t go well in LA, there will be more than just regrets.  Can you tell that I am killing it with the power of positive thinking?

Maybe I should start drinking again.  No, not by myself.  Drinking in bars.  Outside of the house.  Maybe I will meet people that way.  I don’t really remember how to do that though.  I may end up drinking too much and turn into a liability…  Having fewer inhibitions and a terrible memory, what could go wrong?  A lot but I might meet more material for my stand-up.  Yes, that is what I call men now – material.  It makes it easier to process when things go badly.  “It’s ok, I got a blog post out of it.”  If it is really horrible I might even get two blog posts and 30 seconds for an open mic night.  Thank goodness for that Notes feature on the iPhone.  No longer do I have to remember a phrase for later, I can add it immediately or maybe when he is in the bathroom.  It would be rude to do it in front of him.  I was raised better than that.

So now I have exactly a month to prepare myself for the next chapter.  How much stuff should I pack?  Do I plan for the long-term or do I pack like I am going on a 2 week trip and will do laundry multiple times?  Do I bring my own sheets for a furnished apartment?  What about my own vacuum cleaner?  Do I bring extra toilet paper in case they don’t provide enough?  Should I bring a printer?  What about coat hangers?  How well furnished is furnished?  At what point do I stop being obsessive and just roll with it?

Wish me luck because I think I am in for a helluva ride.




2 thoughts on “Put your money where your mouth is.

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