Flirting or Business Development?*


When is it flirting and when is it being friendly?  Are they working on business development or are they truly interested?  You know that feeling when you aren’t sure if the bartender is being nice or just trying to pad his tip?  I feel like personal trainers, servers, real estate agents and hair stylists are in that nebulous gray area too.

There is a guy I see at Starbucks ALL the time and he and I have developed what I would call an acquaintanceship.  It is a very loose one where we text every now and then, I sometimes save him a seat at the counter, we have weird and awkward conversations and I occasionally bring him leftovers.  Nothing spectacular.  He in turn tells me about the many dates he has, how much he drinks and whatever else bros like to share about themselves.  The important things you need to know are:

  1. He is a personal trainer.
  2. He is attractive.
  3. He knows he is attractive.
  4. He is too young for me.
  5. We don’t have a lot in common.
  6. I have been put into the friend-zone so hard that I have bruises from the impact.

The biggest problem for me is that while I know I am in the friend/client-zone and am fine with the status quo, he will do things that make me question it.  Is he just a friendly person or is he actually flirting?  Is he prospecting for new clients or is he just oblivious?  An example is when he sits next to me.  Does he sit one over, to give me a buffer zone, as most normal people would?  No, he sits right next to me.  The entire bar could be open with no one anywhere near me and he chooses the chair next to mine.  If he got any closer, he would be sitting on my lap.  The other day he smelled like soup.  I don’t need to know that.

My friends think I should ask him to bone (their words) based on item number 2.  I am not sure that is the best plan of attack.  I don’t want to pad his ego any more than it already is and I don’t want things to be super awkward if it all goes pear shaped.  I won’t be able to go back to MY Starbucks.  I will have to move, block him from my Instagram and maybe even change my name.  Just not worth it.  My daily routine is way too important.

Instead I will play out possible scenarios in my head to figure out what his motives are and never actually do anything.  God forbid he thinks I am a creepy older woman preying on younger men.  I would hate for him to feel objectified or like a piece of meat.  You know, how women feel all the time.

*This was written in November so my thoughts are a little out of date…  😉




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