You don’t look your age.


If I don’t look my age, whose age do I look?  Can I choose?  Do I go young and pick someone in their 20s or do I say older because they look amazing?  Would Helen Mirren be acceptable?  She is in her 70s and is killing it.

Seeing that I just had my birthday I am feeling my age or what I imagine my age would feel like.  Or maybe I am feeling someone else’s age.  Perhaps on Mondays I feel 55 and maybe after a good night’s sleep I feel more like 25.  I would be ok with a solid 30 every day.  My knees didn’t hurt when I was 30.  The toll of decades of tennis and years of roller derby hadn’t made itself known yet.  High intensity athletics with pressure on your knees is great until you have to sit on the floor cross-legged, wrapping presents for two hours and then figure out how to stretch your legs after.  I don’t think my knees will ever be the same.  Fortunately my face doesn’t reflect that damage.  Well, only when I wince in pain after getting up.

Should we talk about the reality of “old lady legs”?  I now understand why women of a certain age talk about their “knees falling.”  It also explains bermuda shorts, culottes and caftans.  The elasticity of your skin starts to disappear and what used to be a nice smooth thigh has turned into…  I can’t even describe it.  It isn’t cellulite exactly.  More of a wrinkling.  You will know it when you see it.  And I know from first-hand experience that it still exists with muscle tone.  Sadly, I have decided that I will never wear anything above the knee again.  Fortunately for me, yoga leggings are acceptable for any type of exercise these days so I won’t have to revert back to shorts of any kind.  Although men’s basketball shorts may still do the trick if I decide to pick up a tennis racket after a 13 year hiatus.  Nah, too much effort.  I will stick to indoor activities unless burkinis are on offer.

And speaking of swimwear, I am thinking about moving to a warmer climate.  This could be tough given my wardrobe limitations.  Seattle fits my style because I can wear jeans all year round and never feel out of place.  Throw on a fleece or a hoodie and I am set.  Yes, I do have room for growth when it comes to my fashion.  This could also be the reason people think I am younger than I am.  At least I have stopped wearing the Paul Frank and roller derby t-shirts.  I save the college sweatshirts and t-shirts for my at home wear.  Surprisingly, I do own blazers, button-downs and proper slacks.  I never wear them but I could.  There is an aspirational element here.  I also have dresses but the “old lady leg” thing means that I am hesitant to wear them unless I know the venue is going to be dark, very dark.  If only PhotoShop could be used for my thighs instead of just pictures of my thighs.  I did have the brilliant idea of getting tattoos all over my legs.  Instead of sleeves, they would be leggings.  The art would distract people from the aging process until I have to wear garters to keep the skin taut enough to be able to tell what the tattoos actually are.  Drawbacks are: expense, deciding what to get and pain.  Minor hurdles in the scheme of things.  Also, the fact that I have never wanted a tattoo or 100 of them might be a dealbreaker.  Details, really.  However, my parents did ask what I want for my birthday…  I think the response would be getting written out of the will instead of written a check.

In the scheme of things, I suppose I am doing pretty well.  I still have a neck so I don’t need to buy a closet full of turtlenecks.  My arms are decent with a bit of tone so I can wear tank tops for a few more years.  Fingers crossed.  But best of all, while I may never wear anything above the knee again, I can still rock a pair of flip-flops.  You can take the girl out of Hawaii but you can’t take Hawaii out of the girl.  Southern California, here I come!


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