I complain about being single and I never do anything to change it so last night I opened the dating apps again.  I thought that maybe this time I would be able to commit and actually message someone, chat a little bit and then go out for coffee.  All I could think as I swiped left was, “Maybe if I met this person in real life, I would talk to them…”  The fact that I can’t commit to an app and am so unenthusiastic about starting a conversation does not make for a good entry into online dating.  Perhaps my job search should be based on where the single men are.  Then I could “coincidentally” meet them in real life.  It might make reentering Corporate America more palatable and add some excitement.  Meeting someone at the office is never a conflict of interest or a recipe for disaster.  With my track record it will be a slam dunk for sure.

Also, there are a lot of weirdos out there.  When did Bumble become a place where you can fly your kink flag high and out in the open?  Aren’t there other sites for that?  Craig’s List?  If you and your partner want to find a third, shouldn’t you be on Tinder?  Isn’t that for hook-ups and out of the box thinking?  And is it now cool to be poly?  Is that why so many men have it on their profile?  Just say you don’t want a commitment.  They have a category for that.  It is called “Don’t Know Yet.”

Not to mention the terrible photos.  I think there could be a business opportunity there when it comes to dating app photos.  I am not suggesting that these men should make themselves look different than what they look like in real life but they can certainly make themselves look less like serial killers and more like their cell phone camera isn’t a newly discovered feature.  And these are the younger ones too, it isn’t age specific.

So now I am back to the coffee shop.  Today I managed to kick a man on crutches out of his spot.  I didn’t actually kick him.  I just didn’t realize that he was only going to the bathroom.  He had all of his stuff with him and left a bunch of trash behind which signalled to me that he was leaving.  Trash does not save your table.  It just makes you look like an asshole.  Did he not realize this coffee shop is in one of the most bougie parts of town and the likelihood of someone stealing his stuff is pretty slim?  He was attractive and if I was better at this flirting thing I would have been more witty when he jokingly gave me shit about stealing a disabled man’s table.  I think it is safe to say he was flirting.  I should have offered to share the table with him or actually said something to start a conversation instead of mumbling that I was sorry and he could have the table back.  All the things you think of when it is too late.  Maybe he will become a regular and I can be super awkward all over again.  I am sure it won’t be hard.