I think that saying he had the depth of a puddle is generous. Douchebag, Dennis Bag (for the kids so I don’t have to explain what a douchebag actually is) or DB (for short). We all make mistakes but this one was a big one. They say that love is blind but in my case it was blind, deaf and learning disabled as well. While the red flags below don’t make him sound that great, they make me look like my parents didn’t let me out of the house until I was 35 and even then wondered if I would be able to cross the street by myself. My Broken Picker was like a divining rod finding water with this guy.

1) He had me as MILF in his phone. Fortunately (unfortunately?) for me I didn’t know that until after we started dating.

2) He sent unsolicited dick pics regularly. No one wants to see those, do they?

3) I was a sophomore in high school when he was born. The other day I found a tennis camp t-shirt that is older than he is.

4) He had Prada running shoes that he actually used for running. Aren’t those just for show? Isn’t that like boxer briefs doing the work of a jock strap?

5) He thought it was okay to look for “new friends” on Tinder and Bumble since he had just moved here and didn’t know anyone. I am pretty sure that in Vegas they are dating sites too.

6) He asked me to take half naked pictures of him to post to his Instagram account. Or maybe they were for Tinder or Bumble…

7) He moved out here with $63 in his bank account.

8) He called himself a Conservative but couldn’t tell me why. Because your family is and always has been is not a valid answer no matter your political affiliation.

9) He asked one of my most straight laced friends where to find coke.  Nothing like knowing your audience.

10) And the biggest red flag….? My cat peed on him while he was in bed. More than once. They say that animals know. Not sure what he knew but it must have been something pretty serious.