My mom and I have been telling Dad for ages that he needs to get his ears checked. Of course being a stubborn man of a certain age he says that his hearing is fine and that we don't speak clearly or aren't speaking directly to him. Apparently speaking a little bit louder, looking at … Continue reading I AM NOT DEAF!
Christmas is almost here and with it my next slog to the airport. I love the idea of travel but hate the actuality of it - airports, planes, people... And let's be real here, airports are where social norms go to die. At times I feel like it is a glimpse into what armageddon might … Continue reading The Wonders of Air Travel
My father and I are very close but are diametrically opposed when it comes to politics and the nature of political correctness. While I have never heard him use the term snowflake, I am sure he has thought it. Before you start thinking he is up there with David Duke, let me clarify by saying … Continue reading My Dad, the Great Australian Comedian.
When it comes to dating, instead of doing that equation where you cut your age in half and add seven, my math is a little different. My thought process is as follows - if they were born after I got my period for the first time or was legally considered an adult, I am open … Continue reading Age & Dating
I have my first troll! Does this mean that I am on my way to making it? How many trolls do you need to be considered successful? Is there an equation that for every troll there are 10 people who like what you have to say? In that case, bring on the haters! Supposedly feedback … Continue reading thank u, next
It is hard for people to believe that I played roller derby. I have no tattoos, minimal piercings, played non-contact sports growing up, and was never considered overtly agressive. I had roller skated once in my life, when I was 4, and I wouldn't call holding my grandmother's hand while shuffling 5 feet actual roller … Continue reading Your friend’s name is what?!?
I did something super impulsive while I was on vacation a few months ago... I actually gave in to the moment and hooked up with someone. Most of my friends would commend me for letting loose and say it was about time. However, I am completely neurotic and not very good at chalking it up … Continue reading Asking for a friend…
I complain about being single and I never do anything to change it so last night I opened the dating apps again. I thought that maybe this time I would be able to commit and actually message someone, chat a little bit and then go out for coffee. All I could think as I swiped … Continue reading I tried again…sort’ve.
The other day, my mom asked me if I worry about people reading about themselves in my blog. Obviously I don't because if I did, I wouldn't have created a website and it wouldn't be all over my Facebook page. Next thing you know it will have an Instagram account, a Twitter handle and a … Continue reading What if they read about themselves?!?
I know it is a necessity but why does it have to be so horrible? I lie there, under the bright lights with those stupid protective glasses on, and everything is clenched like I am in fight or flight mode. My insurance allows me to go three times a year so of course I do … Continue reading Going to the Dentist.
"You will meet someone when you least expect it." Least expect what? I have never understood that saying. And why doesn't it pertain to anything else in life? You will get straight As when you least expect it. You will get a great job when you least expect it. That six-pack you want...when you least … Continue reading Broken sticker, not picker.
Did you know that you can tell who the Seattle Seahawks are playing by who comes up on Bumble or Tinder? I discovered this yesterday when I swiped past a bunch of dudes who work for the Cowboys or were in town from Texas. My friend suggested that I use these guys to work on … Continue reading Friends with Benefits.
I have decided to do a new thing when it comes to men. I am going to do the opposite of what I would normally do. It seems to me that past behavior hasn't been working so maybe it is time for something different. In the last week I have already messed up on item … Continue reading Do the opposite of what you usually do.
A few of my friends thought I had lost my mind because I booked a trip to Minneapolis, to go to the Minnesota State Fair. If you have read any of my other posts, you know I don't like people, especially large groups of them. I generally avoid concerts, festivals, large parties and any other … Continue reading The Minnesota State Fair
How is that even a thing? Since when can you get a ticket for something that is essentially invisible? I know the city of Seattle is broke but come on. Next thing you know they will start making up unmarked red zones or handicapped spaces. I took pictures to fight my ticket but according to … Continue reading A parking ticket for blocking an UNMARKED crosswalk?!?
I can just meet men in line for coffee. Starbucks for the win! They may not be the right ones but either way, I am meeting them... Today it was an older gentleman, probably in his 50s. He was very friendly but didn't seem to respond to non-verbal cues. When someone moves away from you, … Continue reading Who needs bars?
I just got hit on by an adult version of Rod or Todd from the Simpson's. Just add dark glasses and an orange button down and there you go. Or maybe he looked more like a dorky Hyde from That 70s Show. I don't think he could have been older than 26 and I could … Continue reading Jason, the aspiring baker.
I have never been good at telling age. I can tell if someone is under 20 or over 50 but in between those decades I can't tell specifics. Don't get me wrong, I can tell ranges... Of course I can tell the difference between a 25 year old and a 49 year old but between … Continue reading Good genes or just denial?
I have a staring problem. I don't always realize I am staring which makes it worse. I once had a woman want to fight me because she thought I was looking at her when I didn't even realize I was. She may have been on something and been slightly paranoid but it didn't help to … Continue reading Thank goodness for sunglasses.
"Email me." You asked me out for a drink. Why should I email you? Shouldn't you message me to set it up? If this is dating, I want no part of it. If you aren't interested, don't ask me out for drinks. Plain and simple. It is worse to be asked with no follow-through than … Continue reading “Want to grab a drink?”
Did the universe not get the memo? Was Mercury in Retrograde? Is there more airy-fairy, woo-woo shit I can blame it on? So far this year my cat "went to college", my dad started radiation for prostate cancer, my car was broken into and my entire wallet was stolen and I can't escape seeing the … Continue reading 2018 is supposed to be my year…
I am not sure that my picker actually broke. I think it just never formed properly. Maybe it started with Brett Chuckovich (I had to use his last name because it is so great) in kindergarten when we played kissing boys and kissing girls or maybe it was JJ in 3rd grade... Probably not though. … Continue reading How did my picker break?
I have been single and unemployed for almost the same amount of time. I don't count my 8 month rebound as a change to my single status. We will sweep him under the rug along with my lapse in judgment. Yes, I know that rebounds aren't supposed to last that long but I was traveling … Continue reading Dating & looking for a job – why they are similar and why I hate them
Have you ever had someone ask you out on a date and then completely forget about it? Within a week of the ask? No, me neither. Oh wait, it just happened. It is an experience not to be forgotten or replicated, especially when you see the brain fart happen right in front of you. It … Continue reading Realizing your Picker is still broken.
I was cold. I was tired. I was in Milwaukee. For anyone who thinks business travel is glamorous, it isn't. I had no expectations and assumed it would be more of the same, yet another stop on a grueling itinerary. To be honest, the trip didn't start off well. I had forgotten to book my … Continue reading Milwaukee, not just brats and beer.*
I feel like a caveat or three might be necessary for this post. The wound hasn’t fully healed so the sarcasm might be more biting and the bitterness more evident. Sometimes a rebound can hurt as much as the real thing. I met Casper last year when I was on my Starve, Cry, Wallow journey. … Continue reading Casper the Emotionally Crippled Ghost
There’s a game I subconsciously play in my head. It sounds a lot like “Marco! Polo!” but instead it is a guy yelling, “Broken!” and me yelling, “Pick me!” It isn’t quite as much fun since there is no swimming pool and there are usually tears at the end. Mine or his depending on the … Continue reading Marco! Polo!
I think that saying he had the depth of a puddle is generous. Douchebag, Dennis Bag (for the kids so I don't have to explain what a douchebag actually is) or DB (for short). We all make mistakes but this one was a big one. They say that love is blind but in my case … Continue reading Depth of a Puddle
My friend Mary Beth says I have a broken picker when it comes to men. She doesn’t say it to hurt my feelings, it is just an observation. For those of you who don’t know what that means, here are some examples. You know you have a broken picker when, 1) You meet a much … Continue reading My Broken Picker
My dad says that my mom is allergic to exercise. I think it must be hereditary. I hate it. With a passion. Every minute of it. Even yoga. My friends don't believe me because I am pretty active. I have played volleyball, tennis, roller derby and now am working on learning to climb and honing … Continue reading Allergic to Exercise